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Jul 24

Car Wars I, II and III.

Posted on Tuesday, July 24, 2007 in Little known facts, Philosophy, Rantings, Something to think about

I’m getting really tired of this bad rap us girlies have for driving.

The same thing always happens on the M50.  I’m cut off by a small car in the fast-lane who then piddles along in front of me with the rest of the world overtaking me on the inside.  TAT always orders me to flash, but I’m not your aggressive (or exhibitionist) type, so I usually make my presence felt in their driver’s mirror until they get the hint.  When the crawler finally moves back into the proper lane, TAT always says ‘Typical woman!’.  To which I usually reply ‘Betcha it’s not!’,  and you know what? I’m usually right!  I’m making a fortune on these bets that it’ll be an old fart driving his missuz around with his nose glued to the steering wheel causing all the havoc.

See, I’m exceptionally bitter, because I’ve been in three pretty nasty car-crashes.

Whenever I impart this information to blokes, I usually get a strange ‘kyih!’ noise followed by rolling eyes.  Some especially cheeky chappies will make some crap joke about women drivers.  I then have to create a scene trying to convince them otherwise.  They usually shut up when I tell them that all three accidents were caused by blokes of various ages.

A male schoolteacher pulled out onto a busy road without seeing me to his right in 2000.  I crashed right into him at about 40mph.  That hurt.  Not as much as it hurt to lose the car though.

An affluent dad was focussing on his son in his back seat whilst driving a Volvo S40 Estate in 2003.  He rounded the corner of a quiet country road on the wrong side.  I was approaching the same corner in my Ford Estate at the same time with my pretty large doggie in the passenger’s side at about 35mph.  Head-on collisions REALLY hurt, but me and my doggie walked away relatively unscathed.

Last year, I was sandwiched between two Peugeot 206s.  I and my tank of a Volvo ended up at a 45 degree angle in a ditch.  That one was more funny than painful.  You should’ve seen the damage done to the car behind, driven by an 18 year old bloke who had aquaplained up my ass on a wet day!  I thought that might teach him a lesson, but apparently his mummy and daddy bought him a brand new car the week after. (He’s the boyfriend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend you see.  That’s how I know.)

As serendipity would have it, I used the winnings of the last two crashes to buy our present specially-adapted car for Sean and his wheelchair, so that worked out pretty spiffing.

It’s almost a pyrrhic victory though,  I had really bonded with those cars.  I use to talk to them, encourage them up hills, apologising for the weather, y’know?  Don’t tell me I’m alone.  You’ve all named your cars I bet.  To have them destroyed right before my eyes by a sex who think they’re great drivers just hurts.  It hurts real bad.


So to all you blokes who think women are crap drivers;

If you want to see a really crap driver, just swivel your rear-view mirror a few degrees to the right. 

(Or left if you’ve got a left hand drive obviously.  Wouldn’t want you to be looking at your passengers funny.)


By the way, why is nobody taking the piss out of Jordan for naming her new child ‘Princess’ in this bloggyweb?  There is so much piss-take ammunition here, it makes my head turn pink just thinking about it.

Bring on the comments

  1. baino says:

    Proof positive: AAMI claims data shows that men’s crashes tend to be more serious than women’s – they are more likely to be involved in head-on collisions, roll-overs and loss-of-control crashes, as well as crashes involving pedestrians, cyclists and animals.

    Conversely, women are more likely to collide with stationary objects or reverse into other cars.

    Um . . I can vouch for that.

    And Jordan should have done what an Australian family recently did, named their son ‘Professor’ – now he gets the respect, without the degree!

  2. K8 says:

    Brilliant!!!!! he he he…

  3. Deborah says:

    Great post and oh so true – just ask the insurance companies! I’ve been driving since I was 15 – learned in the US – though Dad made me learn a manual, not a pussy car as he likes to refer to automatics! When I came here my US license meant zip and the hubby and I both had to take a test. The hubby thinks he’s a rally racer. Bastard gets into at least one accident a year – his average speed is 140 – 160 without the kids in the car. He has more speeding tickets than I can count on my toes and fingers, yet he gives the gards his American license and doesn’t get any points. He sits the test passed with flying colours. I on the other hand am a good driver, my previous job required me to take a defensive driving course which involved driving on a ice track and all kinds of fun stuff. I fail the Irish test because I am not aggressive enough. When I asked for an example I was told I waited too long after a light turned green. I wait maybe a second while I scan the intersection to make sure no idiot runs the light coming the other way. But apparently it’s cautious people who shouldn’t have licenses? WTF? Passed next time. When I saw the tester had a Mickey Mouse tie I knew I was going to be ok! ;-) Anyhoo sorry long comment – but just had to say AMEN SISTAH! ;-)

  4. K8 says:

    Yeah! It’s just not fair, is it?

    Have to say.. de boyz are awful quiet on here!

  5. I’m not quiet, but then I don’t drive. I think you’re all crazy, moving around at high speeds in your huge metal boxes.

    I was clipped today on my evening bike commute. It was a girl. But then person who got out of his white van and attacked me because I flipped them the bird when they failed to yield at yield sign, that, that was a boy. Though he looked like a baboon.

    A boy baboon.

  6. Argh. Their white van. Can’t believe I missed one.

  7. Grandad says:

    Have to say.. de boyz are awful quiet on here!

    If you think I’m going to comment in here,with all you women driving around??? I’d be scared of being run into…..

  8. K8 says:

    I’vw a mate who was a courier in Dublin. When people edged or clipped him, he’d chase them and flick chewing-gum in their window. He was the Ying-Yang sort.

    Yeah, but the only people that run into you, daddyo are boys on bicycles and spanish women. They don’t count. I can’t vouch for them. Irish ladies would just give you the horn. So to speak.

  9. Grandad says:

    Irish ladies would just give you the horn. So to speak.


    I disown this person. I blame her mother.

  10. Brianf says:

    Oh fuck insurance companies and the horse they rode in on!!
    17 years old and a woman driving a full sized Ford station wagon T-boned me in my Fiat
    30 years old a drunk woman ran a stop sign and crashed into my brand new 2 week old car.
    Last August a 20 something girly felt it was more important to send text messages on her cell phone than to actually drive her car and literally drove over a friends son sitting at a stop sign on his Ducati.
    My son Jimmy was about 4 years old when standing in line to check out at a store felt the need to announce to the lady next to him, “My Daddy says women shouldn’t be allowed to drive!”. Hahahahaha! I turned about 37 different shades of red.

  11. K8 says:

    Okay, okay. I’ll admit that I was once rear-ended by a girl who was rooting in her handbag. The car I was driving was totally unmarked, but her front bumper was screwed and all sorts of substances were flowing out of her engine. I let her away with it. (heh heh) That’s what she gets for driving a Punto.

    I’ll also admit that for every boy-racer out there, there is a ditsy dora who has no idea how to use roundabouts and dual cabbageways, but in Ireland anyway, that’s purely the fault of the motoring associations who make you wait a year to do your driving test and then fail you. No driver’s ed for us. We have a good excuse for shite driving!

    Well, they do, anyway. I’m an excellent driver. Should be doin’ the Grand Prix, I should.

  12. baino says:

    Brian . . . serves you right for being stationary at the time!
    Keep driving cos we can’t hit a moving target apparently

    I’ve only ever crashed into a fence, a driveway light and a stationary vehicle at the stop lights. (In a brand new Cooper S . . .boy was I grounded for that one!)

    HippyBro takes the cake for rolling a chicken truck . . .the freeway was alive with runaway chooks! “Run little chickens . . .run . . .”

  13. Daz says:

    By the way, why is nobody taking the piss out of Jordan for naming her new child ‘Princess’ in this bloggyweb?

    Because I’m busy schooling Americans at Halo 2, that’s why.

  14. Brianf says:

    So if you get run in to by a transvestite would you jump out of the car and yell, “Fecking women drivers!”, or, “Dood, WTF?”, or would you get out of your car, see him/her and just start laughing and pointing?

  15. K8 says:

    I would’ve loved to have seen that, Baino! Loads of potential chicken dinners squawking their way to freedom.. makes for a potentially excellent Pixar film :)

    Daz, you should play a networked game of Age of Empires. I’d whoop your ass.

    I’ve never been in a bitch fight with a tranny. I wonder if they’re hair pullers…

  16. Grandad says:

    I’ve never been in a bitch fight with a tranny. I wonder if they’re hair pullers…

    Who cares? You can pull their hair and kick ’em in the nuts.

  17. K8 says:

    See that’s no good. They’re usually tucked ’round the back. And you really don’t want to piss a tranny off too early. Have you seen the state of fake nails these days? They’d rip you a new one!

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