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Jul 3

Conversations with a snot-gobbler

Posted on Tuesday, July 3, 2007 in Uncategorized

A ‘snot gobbler’ is a phrase coined by my father, to describe any young lad/gurrier, the type of kid who has a perpetual stream of green goo running from nose to upper lip.

This particular snot-gobbler is aged 7, and was sitting on a wall, watching me unpack groceries from the car. 

S.G.: “D’you want a turtle?”

Me: “Say what?”

SG: “I have two turtles buh I’m givin them away ‘cos one bit me.  Me uncle gave them to me for free but I’ll sell them to you for 60 euros.”

Me: “You have a lot to learn about marketing, son.  Why did the turtle bite you?”

SG: *shrugs*  after a long pause; “I was poking its nose.  I wanted to see if its face turned inside out.”

Me: “Did it?”

SG: “Nah, it bit me.  I don’t want it anymore.”

Me: “I’m sure the feeling is mutual.”

SG: “Wha?”

Me: “So have you nothing better to be doing with yourself on a nice day like today?”

SG: “I’m grounded outside.”

Me: “That’s an oxymoron kid.  What did you do to deserve that?”

SG: “Me mammy went shopping in Tescos and dropped me and me friend into a building site nearby until she was finished.  We were there for ages and got bored so we broke loads o’ windows in the buildings.  Nobody seen us though,  ‘xept mammy.”

Me: “That was kind of stupid, wasn’t it?  A lot of people are going to be very angry about the amount of money they’re going to have to fork out to repair those windows.”

SG: “Don’t care.”

Me: “I would if I were you.  Your fingerprints will be all over that building site.  The police’ll be able to catch you in no time at all, then it’s jail-time for you, kiddo.  You’ll get 25 years for that.”

SG: *wide-eyed*  Shoiyh!!!

Bring on the comments

  1. b3n says:

    “I was poking its nose. I wanted to see if its face turned inside out.â€?

    I love the experiments kids do, all in the name of science eh? This kid in particular though should have been left to play in the traffic and not a building site.

  2. Grannymar says:

    K8 you have some very colourful neighbours.

    I would swop them any day for my ‘Squinting Windows’ gang.

  3. K8 says:

    B3n, this kid is constantly playing with traffic, but so far Darwin isn’t doing his thing.

    Grannymar, do you mean curtain twitchers? We have plenty of those, too. One of my neighbours called around to the other doors to let them know that I and TAT are drug dealers!!! Yer wan in the newsagent won’t look me in the eye anymore. You have to laugh I suppose. I really can’t wait to move house.

  4. Brianf says:

    Kids like that a perfect reason why abortion should be kept legal. Sometimes even post dated.

  5. K8 says:

    I think there’s be nationwide consternation if we tried to abort children in their 22nd trimester.

  6. Brianf says:

    But your honor, I didn’t murder that snot-gobbler! I aborted him in his 22nd trimester. It was a post dated abortion.
    Oh, well that’s different! Case dismissed.

  7. BrianF: You are sick… keep it up! :-)

  8. Grandad says:

    We tried to have K8 done in her 48th, but they said it was a little late. And seeing as she was in the surgery with us, we didn’t want to argue.

  9. Kate says:

    That sort of headgame is precisely why I still bother to talk to other people’s children.

  10. K8 says:

    Yeah well, I still say that having my umbilical chord cut at aged 16 is a bit weird. The teasing I got… pft.

    Kate, I only talk to other people’s kids so that I can teach them bad language. “Jessie, go over there and tell you’r da he’s a wa…..” you get the jist.

  11. baino says:

    Ah building sites. Where else do you get the nice pre cut planks and copper pipe for the slides on your tobbogan?

    I once was bitten by a bearded dragon because I wanted to see if it ate beef mince. It did.

  12. K8 says:

    And the strange thing is, I believe you.

  13. classic, you just know he’s gonna rob from you soon enough…

    (I know this post is ancient but you linked back to it so tough…)

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