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May 29

National bad-hair day

Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 in Family, Rantings

Dario Sanchez is having hair issues

So is our Sean.  For the past week or so, he has resembled a Shetland pony looking over a wall.  He was also forming dreadlocks and severe fuzziness ’round back.  I tried to commission my sister-in-law’s american niece to cut it at the weekend but she was pissed so didn’t want to risk it.

I can now confirm that a pissed american hairdresser can cut hair better than I can.

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I conferred with the Accidental Terrorist before putting Sean under the scissors…. 

“I’ll do a nice job on him wi’ me shaver… a nice blade 8 ’round the sides and a snip up top to even it off”… he said absentmindedly while storming a building in Sicily on the Playstation.

This sounds good, but Sean would look like Bob Marley before said terrorist ever put his playstation remote down and got around to this promise.  So, I gathered my scissors and comb, water sprayer and towel, and started hacking away. 

I’ve seen it done enough times to know how it’s done… roughly, anyway.  You grab a chunk of hair, hold it perpendicular to the scalp, and cut required length.  As long as you maintain equal length all around, you should be home dry.  Sean, however,  was feeling particularily skittish, probably well aware of what was happening, and complicated issues by wagging his head around like a mad thing.  This buggers up consistency a lot.  

Despite all odds, by the time I’d worked away around his scalp and stepped back, I found with some jubilance that he looked pretty damn fine!  I interrupted World War II long enough for a second opinion and got a vaguely impressed ‘yih’ sound to reward my efforts.  So that was nice.

This morning, when I entered Sean’s room to get him ready for school, I found to my dismay that hair appears to ‘settle’ after a cut.  It had not settled well.  It looked like I had held the child upside down over a paper-shredder.  Sean now has a dodgy haircut.  I rubbed some baby lotion into it to style it a bit, which resulted in a greasy looking dodgy haircut.  Mind you, some celebrities have started hairstyle frenzies with their badly-cut barnets, so perhaps there is some hope for my kid.  You never know.

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Bring on the comments

  1. Grandad says:

    Why don’t you shave something really rude into the back of TAD’s hair while he’s on the Playstation?

    He’d never notice.

  2. SID says:

    Now that sounds like a really good idea for developing a Playstation game.

    Grand Kid Haircut.

    Level One…Find the kid

    Level Two…Using assorted bribes pin them down

    Level Three..Cut the hair using skill and dexterity with available weapons

    Level Four…Deal with the consequences.

  3. K8 says:

    Da, if I could do that, Sean would have a Beckham ‘do! Mind you I’m quite handy with a Dremell. He might notice me drilling his scalp though. Or would he?

    Brilliant idea, SID! Could also be called ‘Need for Prozac – Understress’, or ‘Parent Burnout’, maybeee….

  4. F. Nairb says:

    When it began with: I’ve seen it done enough times to know how it’s done… roughly, anyway.
    I knew it was going to end badly.
    So why is the American niece-in-law still in a bad mood?

  5. K8 says:

    If you’re Irish and you’re drunk, you’re ‘pissed’.
    If you’re Irish and you’re in a bad mood, you’re ‘pissed off’.

    For example, when we were pissed on Friday night, we couldn’t resist the kid’s trampoline in the garden. The next morning we were hung-over and covered in bruises so were pissed off.

  6. Dario Sanchez says:

    Good old fashioned drunken trampolining …

  7. Grandad says:

    What does a drunken trampoline look or act like?

  8. Brianf says:

    OK, let me see if I get this straight. If you are Irish and drunk and in a bad mood you would be, pissed, pissed off or maybe pissed off off or possibly pissed off pissed…….
    Nope, to confusing. I’ll stick to pissed and pissed off meaning the same thing. If I want to get drunk I’ll get drunk or buzzed or plastered or shitfaced or I’ll tie on one or I’ll just use drunk and embellish it with lots of adjectives like Rip Roaring Drunk or Way Drunk or even Stumble Down Drunk. I’ll aslo just get creative with it like, I was so, way, rip roaring drunk last night, I couldn’t even speak the english language.

  9. baino says:

    Same advice I gave Dario, there’s only 2 weeks between a good and bad haircut! Styling Gel – does wonders.

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