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Mar 24

Spider Babies

Posted on Saturday, March 24, 2007 in Jobs

I clean windows. Sometimes. Not for a living, but as part of a system, but let’s not get in to that. You might see me and the lads driving around in a big yellow van. You might see tired expressions on our faces, because window cleaning isn’t exactly gratifying, but ‘somebody has to do it’, and it gets the beers bought.

I’m not writing about squeegies or buckets or big yellow vans now though, right now my thoughts are with the spider-babies.

Let’s take it as a given that I’m squeamish about spiders. I won’t hold them, but I won’t kill them… apart from that one time I found a Wolf Spider hunting my budgie with a view to kill. He got the hoover right up his ass.


Window Cleaning, however, poses a quandary. Spiders love to hatch nests in the corners of window frames, and it is our job to get rid of them. The only thing is, I have this latent Buddha thing in me that finds it tough to do this. It’s bad enough that I have to evict the mother spider, one swipe of the window mop and she’s earth bound. But I keep thinking about the worry in her head. By the time she finds the window sill and crawls back up to her corner, if she can indeed find it, she’ll have at least 50 nappies to change and hundreds will be crying, wondering where their mommy is.

What I’m SUPPOSED to do is destroy the egg sack too. So, when mommy does return, she finds a clean corner where her family once was. This keeps me awake at night. It at least gives me something to obsess about when I’m stoned. My work collegue says “It’s not like they’re in short supply or anything”, but isn’t that what Hitler said about the Jews?

So, to all the spiders out there, I’m sorry. I know that you all have a job to do, and you do it well. I’m glad earth isn’t infested with gazillions of flies. You do, however, creep the bejayzus out of me, so please, for your own good, keep yourselves and your babies outside a 10 meter radius of me. I can’t be held responsible for my actions.

It’s tough being a big softee.

Bring on the comments

  1. […] apparently spider season, too.  The mummy spiders have buggered off, leaving teams of fledgeling spider-babies finding their independance.  Boy are those feckers nimble.  I spent most of the time […]

  2. […] choose my first ever post, which is ‘Spider Babies’.  I wrote it when my dad was nagging me to start blogging despite my protests.  I threw it up on […]

  3. Grannymar says:

    I remember reading this first time round.

    I thought at the time ‘this will give my Elly the creeps!’

    I did an early post about My Sleeping partner with a photo of the evidence and Elly refused to read it!

  4. b3n says:

    I’ll never kill a spider and anything above a 3″ diameter I won’t hold either. They do a brilliant job. Mucho respecto.

  5. If they don’t get right in my way, let ’em live. But if one crawls right by my foot he is taunting me.

  6. Medbh says:

    I leave them be and if they are super big or scary I lift them up with a magazine or a plastic container and put them gently outside. Spiders are our friends and keep the nasty bug population down. For example, right after we moved in here we developed an ant infestation in the kitchen. And then the spiders spun their webs and saved the day. Yay!

  7. baino says:

    Aww, I was here for your bloggy birth but too shy to say anything! (My how that’s changed!)

    I’m afraid I once had hundreds of baby huntsmen hatch in my Laundry toilet . . .the prospect of them growing into 4″ monsters was too much to bear. . . I’ll go to hell for what I did to them.

    One or two grown ups can stay around the curtain rods to eat the mozzies but once they approach the bedroom . . . its curtains.

  8. K8 says:

    I’m glad so many people are respectful of spiders. Squishing them seems so barbaric. I’ll flush the odd one down the drain, but I know the hairs on their legs keep them floating so they’ll be okay eventually.

    How long can spiders hold their breath?

    It’d be a cold day in hell before I’d let a huntsman stick around in my gaff. As for a load of them hatching in my house?!?! That is the stuff of nightmares. *shiver*
    I don’t blame you for doing whatever you did to them, Baino, and you probably won’t go to hell. You’ll probably just be re-incarnated as a fly, that’s all.

  9. fred says:

    im not a spider fan, but i try not to kill them either.i find the odd one here and there, and move it far outside away fromthe house

    earlier tonight, i felt something crawling on my arm, it looked like a little baby spider very small, like half the size of your fingertip on your baby finger, almost transparent like. that freaked me out a litttle bit.

    but when i looked around the walls in my room, like, really looked? i found 75 to 100 of them all on my walls, and who knows how many in the rug and floor.

    if that one would not have landed on my arm, i would not have known.

    theres gotta be a nest somwhere, i just cant find it.. any idea how to get rid of all these baby spiders?????

    please help

  10. K8 says:

    Yeauch. I know how you feel, I found hundreds of the little feckers in my son’s room a few months ago.

    You can do one of two things.

    #1: You can go gung-ho on these spider babies with a can of hair-spray, or plain old bug spray. Once the nest has hatched they tend to disperse, so there’s no real point in looking for it anymore. Just keep the spray can in the room so you can zap on sight.

    #2: If you want to be humane, you can just leave them. Chances are, most of them will die without food. If you open your windows and doors, there’s a good chance they’ll just blow away as they’re supposed to, leaving one or two behind in your house to catch flies for you.

    When I found them in my kids room, I left them alone and never had a problem apart from one which has done very well for himself and hides in the skirting board. He is now huge, and makes brief appearances every now and then. He is far too fast for me and my pint glass!

    I named him Squirly.

  11. saddened says:

    im so glad I’ve found this blog its wt I needed @ dis mo in tym lol. Me mam n I moved 2 the ‘sticks’ a few years ago n evry so often we get a few bugs creepn n crawln about bt sumtyms da big boiz decide 2 pay us a visit. Ders 1 dts bin stayin 4 a couple of days n wz hidin n decided 2 make an appearance whilst I wz watchin tv n scared d bejeebers outta me. So I had 2 climb ovr d chairs 2 get outta d room n go toilet den 2 bed bt whilst in d bthroom wiv da door closed, I myt add, the THING ran str8 4 my feet n I nearly sh4t myself…again…n it hid again so I w8d in d bath tub with a jug in my hand 4 it 2 reappear n wen it did I covered it so I can face it in d morn bt nw I keep thinkin its gona suffoc8 2 death n I cnt sleep thinkn bout d poor BUGger??? Y oh y cnt I b heartless :(

  12. K8 says:

    Oooh dodgy… I once did the same thing, trapped a huge fecker under a pint-glass and left him there. The next morning he was gone – crafty beggar had lifted the damn pint glass and escaped! They’re stronger than they look. Or, he might have called his mates to help him out – I should’ve frisked him for a mobile phone I suppose.

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